ned vizzini committed suicide back in december or so and that really fucked me up… he was one of my favorite authors (probably my sole favorite author) and his books shaped my humor/general demeanor sooo much. i did a presentation on his books when i was in 8th grade and i was so excited to read more of his books and then he died and i was like Well

how do girls do the winged eyeliner ? ? ? like they look so nice. i think everyone should do the wing thing..

imma catch up on adventure time. yeah. yeah

goddammit i knew tyler and thanks were in another mumble for the past few days

im just kinda mad tyler gave noobman the info and not me… not saying noobman isnt one of the coolest people ever but i thought i was one of tylers best friends and he just kinda kept it quiet from me

sigh

i’ve already paid up for csulb but like i need to reject acceptance to all the others and im sooo lazy

also being “”drunk”” was ultimately boring

i had a few shots of tequila but that did nothing much besides make me slur my speech more than i already do and kinda think slow (like we had a pug and oh my god it took a few seconds to register every time i died)

alcohol also burns like hell so i’m probably not doing that again

ok i couldnt meet kuma on monday bc my parents said i had to work on hw (coincidentally monday was the only day sato had the car and could drive me to burbank) but then today my mom asks me if i want to go to the mall? like? okay i couldn’t go on monday because you wanted me to work on homework but TODAY is okay because you wanted to????????? nice. fucking nice. she said she didnt want sato driving but why didnt she say that in the first place instead of “YOU NEED TO WORK ON HOMEWORK WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY” ??????????

jesus christ i hate my parents. not because they dont let me do things but because they try to cover up their reasoning with shitty flimsy excuses and im so tired of it

im probably going to be a bit drunk later if my mom leaves so Yes

also yesterday i was coughing a bit and my mom thought it was my sister and she was like “oh no are you sick? do you need to lay down? whats wrong” but then she found out it was me and she said “WHY DONT YOU TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU SO MESSY THIS IS WHY YOURE SICK” and im very tired of being set to different expectations

just asked my mom if there was more bread and shes like WHY WOULD YOU ASK JUST EAT SOMETHING ELSE AND DO HOMEWORK WHY ARE YOU SO FAT like goddamn bitch no need to yell i just wanted some fucking bread